Saturday, June 13, 2009

How I would improve the Star Wars Movies

11.- The Jedi Council is a corrupt and complacent cult more interested in holding political power than defending the galaxy. The Head of the Council is not Yoda, but a fat slobbering Huttese Jedi who hasn't seen a day of action in its life.

10.- No midichlorians, of course. Qui-Gon has little or no evidence to support his claim (that Anakin is The Chosen One) and he is viewed by the Council as a lunatic. Obi-wan is torn between loyalty to his master and loyalty to the Elders.

9.- Boba Fett is not a clone, just an awesome bounty hunter who got himself a Mandalorian Battle Suit in a Flea Market. Jango Fett is pure Mandalorian stock and both are not related, Boba Fett's past remains a mystery.

8.-A complete rewrite of the scene before Darth Vader; Anakin, charred and mutilated, is found by Palpatine, who is surrounded by troopers, "Well, look at yourself, dog, you look like Bantha droppings. You are of no use to me, please die". Palpatine turns his back on him and Charred Anakin points a stub of flesh where his arm was and mentally chokes everyone around. Palpatine laughs; "Now we're talking! come." and the fully armored Darth Vader scene does no longer include the DO NOT WANT.

7.-Love triangle between Obi-wan, Anakin and Padmè. Anakin's jealousy is an integral part of his fall to the Dark Side and Obi-wan is fully responsible, and all because of a fine piece of blue-blooded booty. His twisting of the facts in Episode IV are because of guilt.

6.-Anakin slaughters Amidala in a fit of rage before Obi-wan's eyes, the royal showdown ensues. Luke was already born.

5.-Boba Fett decides not to hang out with Jabba much longer, he continues preying upon rebellion targets and there is a big showdown between him and Han Solo, whom he tracked to Endor.

4.-Anakin Skywalker is a teenager when found by Obi-wan. he is already a great pilot.

3.-Jar Jar Binks is an anarchist primitivist who oposses Boss Nazz' regime based on his politics of racial hatred against the human squatters of Naboo (ruled by Amidala) and he is certainly not goofy. His distrust on institutions and his idealism makes him a puppet for Palpatine's ambitions anyways.

2.-The Battle of Endor takes place in Kashyyyk as originally intended, in episode three we get to return to the Wookie planet.

1.-Luke and Leia are not brother and sister. Luke is certainly Anakin's and Padme's child, but Leia is Bail and his wife's child. Leia's mother plays an important part as a Harriet Tubman-like character who helps a few Jedi escape the Great Jedi Purge.


  1. Interesting ideas.
    Why not writing a fan fiction on this?
    There's an Internet site that has got all the shows, comics, movies, etc you can think of. Your contributions might surprise some of the fans there.
    I personally found the figure of Darth Vader weaker after the "first" movies. He used to be the ultimate villain in episodes IV and V (specially). The arguments that turned him into Vader given in the first three episodes were not convincing for me.

  2. I really wish I had the time to write the six films all over again!!!!