The Parable of the Unwanted (Or "Papa, don't preach")

The Parable of the Unwanted (or Papa, don't preach) « on: October 12, 2005, 10:47:03 AM »

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The Parable of the Unwanted (Or "Billy, don't be a hero")
As revealed to Pope Cäsänövä Fränkënstëïn The Younger with five Umlauts plus three

All Hail Discordia!!!!!

And then Eris Discordia was walking down the street, minding her own business, on her way to her new position as frycook at the local Burger King, daydreaming about the shopping she would make with her first paycheck. Yes, it would be easier to seduce one of her legions of cultists and take his wallet, but for once she wanted to try earning money while spitting inside the buns of the undesirables, the chaos she would bring to the hapless mortals!

And then she found a young discordian weeping, sitting on the sidewalk. The goddess, who still had some minutes to spare, decided to comfort her saddened child;
"What's wrong, child?"
"I am so depressed, I have tried to do the Goddess' bidding and convert my whole family and my workmates to the sacred ways of Discordia, and they have rejected me, they hate me so much they forgot my birthday"
"And why would you do such a thing" Eris could not hide her disgust.
"I have found the way to the truth thanks to the only Goddess and I want to share my joy, winning souls to Eris. I have spread her gospel, I have given charity in her name, I have defended my neighbor against the iniquities of the system and they keep calling me names and spitting at me"
"Ok, "by now Eris realized this poor chap had not recognized her, "Did your gorgeous and smart goddess tell you all this? Is this her will" She asked, knowing the answer was negative.
"Of course, I consulted my pineal gland as the goddess told me"
"Welll, I think you should clean between your ears"
"How would you know?" he shouted; "Discordianism is the only true religion and we are the only ones who are going to heaven, not as those heathens the Subgenii"
"Listen, you asshole, you wouldn't know your goddess even if she bit you in the ass. Besides, No one ever said you are going to heaven, you don't know shit"
And as the young deluded one turn his back on the goddess she proceeded to bite him in the ass. Never turn your back on a crazy woman, chum!
Then he was iluminated, and recognized Eris.
"Sorry, my lady. I am a sinner, how can I atone for my blasphemies against you?"
Eris smiled and simply said: "Become a christian and forget everything about me, I don't want deluded retards as followers
If I wanted sheep I would eat lambchops
If I wanted evangelists I would put a classified ad in the newspaper
If I wanted servitude I would hire a guatemalan maid
If I offered salvation I would sell it for big bucks
If I wanted to spread my word I would possess the Catholic Pope and dance the watusi
If I condemned the other religions I would teach my followers to create atom bombs
If I wanted souls I would get them from garage sales, they are a buck a piece"
"Could you tell me the moral of this story, My lady"
"*sigh* Well, gimme all your worldly possessions and I will get you a ticket in heaven"
The guy immediately gave Eris his car, his house and 100,000 bucks in cash. After blessing him Eris went to the shopping mall and bought until her "shopping bone" was sore.
She never made it to her new job and the guy was devoured by Lord Cthulhu at the end of times as everybody else.

	Logged

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I have no heaven to pay.
I have no Hell to resist.

Discordian Pope Cäsänövä Fränkënstëïn the Younger, Chaplain of the Sacred Order of the Knights of the Living Dead,Lord of the Umlaut,  Scribe of the Congregation of the Sacred Acorn. Slayer of the Gosmolast

Personal Diary: may the first two thousand five

Sunday. Labor day here in Mexico. I was supposed to pick up H. at her place, but she called me earlier and I actually got to see het at ten thirty a. m. I know, too early for a sunday bt she really wanted to see me. If I told you about H you would call me a liar, she is the most beautiful girl I have ever met. I know her from long ago, almost thirteen years. She is my age. If any of you nerdos created a woman a la Weird Science, you would create her, she is also smart, talented and into geek stuff, she likes videogames and eastern movies such as Usumaki and Tamala. She happens to be a part time fashion model and full time graphic designer. I know, you think I am a liar.
She is the main reason I have been behaving the way I have for the last year. She is the one I am really interested in dating, we go out and we are "kinda dating" I asked her today why we couldn't do it officially and she told me all about her family and how she is expected to get married and that traditionalist brouhaha. She told me she wants to move out and get her own place. and she also told me she wants me to live with her. I'd really love to, but I don't want this to be another dream. I don't want this to be another one of this false starts. In the other hand I have had another plan to live with another girl who is roaming the world right now, but... that is yet another story to be told any other time. The girl outside. SS, is a real darling and lovingly crazy, I love her and I would also like to be with her, with the advantage that we would live outside Mexico. This is my life. for the moment I gotta continue working and getting used to writing as much as I used to. This blog thingie will help me a great deal. Sorry if I don't type hard enough and some letters are missing.
And I was complaining my life was boring...

Personal Diary: aprl the thirtieth two thousand five

This is the best of times, this is the worst of times. I was sincerely going to call my so-called girlfriend, GV, and meet her to make things up. We were supposed o have our four month anniversary today but I haven seen her for most a month. I received a call, it was my ex-girlfriend, L, she was just outside my house with her english teacher ad her class mates, they didn't have a place for the class, so she called me to use my pace. I lent it to her. While the class was in progress I was browsing through FARK.com just so time could pass and these people would get out of here. Not really. After the class L, my ex-girlfriend, almost invited herself to stay with me a little over fr lunch, but instead we made love. She told me we were just fiends, nothing more, and we went out fr lunch to some crappy russian restaurant on the corner. She told me about her having problems with her boyfriend. We had a nice talk about it. then I left her home, just three blocks from my apartment. I have a hamburger from burger king in front of me waiting to be devoured. I had some wine ad just cannoty believe thuis actually happened to me, a gorgeous girl had me for a booty call. Dear Playboy...

Personal Diary; April the twenty ninth two thousand five

Have been away for a while. I finally got rid of that stupid lame ass excuse of an operating system called Windoze, I am now blogging from Debian GNU Linux. I have always believed your computer is a reflection of your own mind. My windoze operating system crashed every two minutes, even after i just reinstalled it, and that was happening with my mind, I was in a depression, but I got myself some occupational therapy, I found a way to install Linux with some floppy disks and my cable connection, It was not easy and I still cannot hear anything from the sound card, but I haven't had any malfunction. In one hand I have just isolated myself from the rest of the people who live around me, everyone has windoze in their computers except one, who is on Mac OS/X. I guess that will increase this overpowering feeling of alienation from the offline world, nobody I know uses Linux. I have the game urge to go out to the sun and feel the touch of some skin. even if it is some filthy mighcrosoft mind-slave. By the way, it is great to be blogging again. I have some dates the following days, so i'll tell you all about it, specially my blind date.

Personal Diary: April the eleventh two thousand five

This was supposed to be a happy day, today I received my paycheck, but I have to pay the electric bill and I opened a bank account. I tried unsuccessfully to withdraw money from my retirement fund, but I gotta be sixty years old to do that. screw them. Today I remembered an invaluable lesson, I counted on that money so bad to buy a new computer (i am blogging from my brother´s laptop) and it was all an illusion. It is better a little, but real than a lot, but illusory. Alexandro Jodorowsky wrote that and I learned it today the hard way. I better continue my life without any pretentions or illusions. I have some money, but it is mine and I can do with it whatever I may. SWell, gotta go to work, see you later.

Personal Diary: April the tenth two thousand five

April the tenth:
Listening to Portishead while drinking some beer, this is my idea of spending a sunday afternoon. Reading: Werewolf: The Forsaken and Broca's Brain by Carl Sagan. I wish I could post this from my regular computer, but it is FUBAR, it won't even boot anymore. I am stuck in my brother´s laptop. I don´t know how to blog, I guess I will only keep it as a diary. Here I am trying to make some sense from my life. I promised my friend Perla I would post submissions to universities in Spain or England. The only thing I´ve got is an essay contest. I am thinking about submitting to it, I already have the subject, Perla´s ex-husband, Jorge Kuri, commited suicide almost a month ago. I should write some kind of memorial, he was a great writer and he always stood up for me. For that I need his documents and his fammily won´t disclose them. Perla is trying to convince them to facsimile them and give them to us. It is so difficult to create a dead man´s memoirs. One year ago I was going to do the same, but I didn´t. I guess working towards his memoirs are a good way of dealing with it. Tomorrow is pay-day and I have millions of bills to pay. My so-called girlfriend is complaining I don´t pay attention to her anymore. and she is right. She is a schoolteacher and I am a writer (mebbe a wanna be artist). Today I discovered I need a girlfriend who is into the arts, such as myself, and is able to give me some feed back. I really don´t know how to blog, should I post my images from photoblog? well, I don´t have any pictures in this computer anyway, I don´t wanna bore people with my cats´ pics. should I flame Bush? no, that's so last week. well, see you tomorrow, I guess.